I just finished a busy week and I felt burnt out. So I decided to take the weekend off. But, I don’t quite know what to do with free time.
My usual free time is spent resting or recovering. I spend the day walking about and then usually watch a movie. Lately, Ive been watching tv shows like The Wire.
But this is usually a few hours at the end of the day or sunday. So i don’t really have much energy. I certainly don’t have expectations.
Taking a weekend off is different. I have two whole days. I can plan and do things. Except, I don’t know what to do.
I can’t do what most people do– consume– because I don’t have any money. So, instead my weekend– my free time– has been intermittently relaxing but also restless and boring with flashes of anxiety and ennui.
How did i get here? has constant work suppressed the emotional content of unfreedom which has surfaced in my extended free time? Is this dread the realization we all feel when free but unable to consume? Or have I become so conditioned to produce or adapt to my craft that the world feels alien without reading and thinking about particular things? I think the answer is probably both, which is why I want to devote my free time to doing something I love that I am terrible at. Not a hobby but a practice where I remain an amateur that resists free time and professionalization.
